The Escapist

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All I need right now
though it's hard to admit
is for me to finally pull through and commit
all I need right now
before I'm trying to quit
is for you to
Help me numb it

What made me feel so jaded to everything around
the years were kind to me but my empathy couldn't be found

Neophobic, cynical, dark
perfectionistic but always missing the mark
homebound, unsound, body and soul
chasing desires that never make me feel whole

I swear I never meant to be this bitter
Don't exactly what keeps me from being better
It's so much easier to keep up a faccade
than face the fact that I'm the one who's flawed

Overthinking, critical, cold
losing sleep over the oath I swore to uphold
Careless, reckless, drifting apart
turning self loathing into a form of art

I'm not asking you to solve my problems
not asking you to change
You're not the one who has to make me face them
and finally turn the page
I'm not trying to find reasons to blame this
on anyone but me
It's just this feeling I get from you
is the only way to set me free

If breaking all my walls will be the key
then in the end what will remain of me?

Excuses only work on yourself for so long
before it's time to come to terms with what's gone wrong